“You Used to Be So Nice”

When “Nice” Isn’t Nice Anymore: Outgrowing Approval and Reclaiming Peace

What Happened to “So Nice and Such a Good Time”?

Someone I desperately sought approval from — someone who loomed large in my life — recently looked me in the eye and said, “You used to be so nice and such a good time, what happened?”

Context: This was during a meeting I called to address concerns I had about their actions. Not five minutes in, the whole script was flipped, and suddenly, I was fielding a laundry list of the problems I had supposedly brought into their life.

Let the record show:

My issues were deemed invalid, inconsequential, or “in the past.” I was told to let go. Well, I have let go. And now it appears that’s a problem for them.

Why Is Letting Go Suddenly an Issue?

For most of my life, “letting go” meant swallowing harm with no resolution, no repair. I’d move past things, only to find myself circling the same (damn) hole, trying ever harder not to fall in again.

But here’s what’s changed:

I don’t walk down that street anymore. The hole is still there — I just refuse to traipse down roads littered with people…