Why You Shouldn’t Listen to Your Spouse’s Dreams
“That’s it, this is the last week of lazy Nelly….starting on Sunday it’s a five-mile run a day, minimum, for me.”
“I’m tired of this job, seriously, this is the last day, tomorrow I am actually, seriously going to quit; enough is enough.”
“I am going to do it, seriously this time. I’m going to write that book by the end of the year, no, the end of the month.”
“I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m done eating like shit, today is it….diet starts tomorrow.”
And what do we say to all of this?
“Good for you!”
“I’m so proud of you!”
“You go knock their socks off!”
Do not encourage the incorrigible.
Do not exclaim with sheer excitement every time your partner tells you about one of their new or continually recurring dreams masked as goals.
These are not goals.
These are dreams.
Dreams are thoughts or ideas which can sometimes be sensational.
Goals on the other hand are directed, clear and structured.
Goals have an endpoint.
Dreams have the potential to live on forever, with you forever having to listen to them (with strained enthusiasm).
The next time your partner starts to spout off one of their ‘dreams,’ why not actually do something supportive?
Rather than listening to them and being their cheerleader, with no real direction other than smiles and cheers, sit down and figure out how to support them.
Make a plan.
Draft out what they can do to be accountable to their goal.
Determine how you can support them in achieving their goal.
It might be as simple as helping them more around the house so that they can start taking night classes towards their master’s program.
Or it might be as daunting as rousing with them an hour earlier each day for a five-mile run around the neighbourhood.
Whatever it is, make it real, make it doable and make it a relationship-building opportunity.
If you are tired of hearing your spouse complaining about how they are unhappy with aspects of their life and how they wish or dream things could be different, do not placate them with empty enthusiasm, sit down with them, listen to their goal, find the barrier, determine areas you can provide support and actually help them achieve it.