Why Marriages Should be Leases
My mom once said one of the most profound things I have ever heard about relationships:
“Marriages should be leases, and after ten years, you should get to choose if you would like to renew the lease or trade your partner in for a new or different model or simply choose to continue without a partner entirely.”
When she said this, I was married and laughed it off.
I thought it was the speech of a jaded older woman who truly did not understand the value of a partnership.
Though I am no longer in the relationship I was in when she made that statement, I am in a long-term, committed relationship, but I am older now, and her words do not ring as comedic and light as they had back when I originally heard them.
Marriage is hard.
Marriage is complicated.
Marriage is a lot of strife and sacrifice.
Marriage can be lonely.
Why?
(Some) People change.
Some people change a lot over the course of their life. They change their values, ideals, and priorities. They change their hair, diet, exercise routine and lifestyle overall. These changes can fundamentally change what you are like day to day and what you like to do (or not do) in your day-to-day routine.
Sometimes your partner just does not fit with the new make and model of who you are, and that can be a difficult situation to navigate.
(Some) People do not change.
Some people change very little in life. Their likes, dislikes, beliefs, attitudes, routines or lack thereof remain completely consistent throughout the course of their life. This can be hard, especially if their partner was always hoping they would ‘grow out’ of some streak of their personality or ‘grow into’ a more mature or responsible type of person.
Lack of growth or excessive growth in a partner can be troubling waters to navigate in a marriage. Sometimes you outgrow your partner, and sometimes they grow you. You may also be holding your partner back in regards to your rigidity and lack of flexibility…
