Why I am Not Going Back to Normal

Aman
3 min readJun 20, 2020

Back to the way things were…

The ‘new’ normal….

Back to reality….

Whatever you want to call the future after all restrictions are released and COVID-19 is slowly transforming into a fading memory versus the consistent, daily reality which it is, nothing will change for the better unless you do.

I have been on a journey of self-improvement for as long as I can remember, and perhaps even longer than that.

Pre-COVID-19, I was becoming exhausted with facing this daily journey of self-improvement because I kept waiting for a finish line to arrive.

I kept expecting the journey of self-improvement to come to a nice, clean culmination and for this perfect version of myself, who never screamed, judged, mourned, regretted, or even had a bad hair day simply to appear and take over the wheel.

Well…the bitch never showed up.

What the extra time during isolation has made me realize is that I was a fool for waiting for someone who does not exist, nor should exist to arrive.

I wanted to shed myself and emerge as a new person, but now I am much happier and understanding of that the fact that there is no escaping me.

I no longer wake up and tire of the ramblings in my mind, wishing them away, but rather, try to sit down and understand the root of their concerns.

I no longer wake up and critique the body in the mirror, wishing for corrections here and there, but rather, acknowledge what is good and what needs improvement and how I can healthily do that.

What I have realized is:

I am always going to exist in this mind and body, but how I use this mind and body is what needs to change.

I cannot hate myself and expect myself to improve at the same time. Self-love comes before self-improvement.

If I have to tell others about my successes in order for it to be real, there is a problem. Do for the sake of doing and the intrinsic reward of the action…

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Aman

I write about issues that are near and dear to my heart, with the hope that my stories, experiences, and struggles may empower others.