When You Feel Trapped in Your Relationship

When It Feels Too Complicated to Leave Your Partner

A conversation I had with a former colleague haunts me to this day. It taught me how complicated and oppressive relationships can be and how an individual can feel so trapped that they believe they have no option but to stay in their subpar relationship.

“I heard you are moving?” Allison inquired, between first and second period. She was a teacher at the school where I had a three-month contract and we had become fast friends. It was my first year as a substitute teacher. She had been teaching for years, and what started as a mentor-mentee relationship quickly transitioned into a friendship.

“Yes,” I replied, “I just feel, since the breakup, that this city is too small for the both of us. We keep bumping into each other everywhere, the gym, restaurants, on the street … everywhere, it feels like. My dad also thinks a fresh start will be really helpful for me and I really have no reason to stay here.” I slumped down in my seat and slowly sipped my lukewarm coffee.

“You are so lucky,” Allison said almost wistfully. My head snapped up so quickly that it would have probably rolled right off of my neck if they were not connected, “What?” I shakily inquired. “You are so lucky,” she repeated again, clarifying that I had heard her right the first time.

This was the first time, but not the last time, that someone would tell me how lucky I was for getting divorced, and it was fascinating each and every time it happened.

“You are free,” Allison said to me matter-of-factly. “You get to start fresh, leave something which is no longer serving you, and you have your whole life ahead of you.”

“You are free,” Allison said to me matter-of-factly, “You get to start fresh, leave something which is no longer serving you and you have your whole life ahead of you.”

“You have your life ahead of you too,” I said slowly, unsure of how far to probe into this conversation or her life to be more specific. “You are happily married, you have two beautiful children, a great job —”