What is the End Goal?

“What are you trying to achieve with this?” my dad asked me one day. I had just applied for a job, outside of the city and my parents were beside themselves. “Aren’t you happy,” my mother chimed in, “your job is great, why do you want to uproot yourself?”

“Why not?” I shot back, not trying to be mean, but I am sure it came across snide. “I have an itch to scratch,” I continued, “so I am going to scratch it. I am not done pursuing progress in my career and I am not going to limit myself to one location, when I am more than capable of moving for the next opportunity.”

I had been blind sighted by this conversation. I had been applying for jobs across Canada for some time, but my parents had just been delivered the news by a third party gossip. They did not like what they were hearing, but for the first time, in a long time, I did not really care.

I cannot live my life for another.

I have become so independent that even my partner and I have agreed to a potentially long term, long distance relationship, if the right job comes along for me. How can my parents care when my partner is on board?

You may be a large piece of the puzzle or small, but you still do fit in somewhere. We have all had an experience, where some disturbs our vision of the future. A friend moves out of town, you do not get that great promotion you were so sure of, you do not end up getting married or some other fateful reality.

These things are not in our control, and we cannot live our own lives in fear of shaking up another person’s vision of their own life.

Sure, it would be great if I never leave town, for my parents, but what about me? Can I really forgo my own wants for theirs? Of course I could, and perhaps a bigger person would, but I ain’t no Mother Teresa.

The very thing that my parents are trying to cling to could collapse our entire relationship, if I listen to them and succumb to a life I do not want to lead. It will provide me a podium upon which I can blame them for every problem in my life. “If you had only let me move for that job I wouldn’t be…” insert whatever problem you would like here.

I use to always consider other people’s feelings before making a decision. I lived a half life for a very long time and it was exhausting. Always trying to be the best partner, daughter, friend, colleague, staff member and person is not worth it. It is not worth it because people will never ever be satisfied. You give them an inch and they will ask you when the next mile is going to arrive.

Sure, you will make mistakes, fail or even realize that the choice you made was wrong, but it is your journey to travel. It is easy to stay in the safe zone, on the sidelines and be content with just enough, but not for me, not anymore.

I do not want to end the game of life unscathed and unscarred, but rather, I want to finish bruised, battered and bleeding from a glorious victory I created all on my own.

I write about issues that are near and dear to my heart, with the hope that my stories, experiences, and struggles may empower others: amanlitt.ca

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