Member-only story
Watering My Own Lawn
Breaking Free from Other People’s Opinions
If you prefer to listen to me tell the tale, check it out on SoundCloud.
For two decades, I let others challenge my gut instincts and dictate my decisions. It was horrible.
I used to think I was selfish and bad. But I wasn’t — and none of us (truly) are. Sure, we all screw up. That’s life. No one leaves this place without pissing off a person…or twenty.
My real problem?
No matter how “good” I tried to be, I believed my intentions were wrong.
Why?
Because I obsessed over other people’s opinions of me and my actions.
It sucked to hate myself like that. I’d visit someone, feel like everything went great, then get a call accusing me of causing some disaster shortly thereafter. Most of the time, those “calamities” weren’t even real. When I told the truth about what actually happened, they doubled down. I would have people falsify an event to make themselves look better or me worse, completely lie (to my face) about something I did not do or say, and worse, simply dismantle my self-esteem and make me question my self-worth by telling me my version of the truth was simply not real.
