Vulnerability is Vivacious

I have shown my truth a lot in life. The good times, the really, brutally bad times and everything in between.

What I have realized, time and time again, is it is better to be vulnerable, honest and raw, versus putting up a facade.

Vulnerability is a scary situation though, it puts you in a place where people can harm, take advantage and gossip about you, but in the end, I truly believe being vulnerable makes you into a better person.

I had a really difficult situation, where I was vulnerable with someone and it bit me in the ass.

I am dealing with the repercussions regarding said situation, but still, I am glad I was vulnerable.

Why?

I am still glad because I know more about who I am and now know more about who they (truly) are. They are not my person and I had to learn that the hard way.

I do not go out to intentionally harm others and if I do, I do try to repair said harms.

I do not think I am better than anyone else, but at the end of day, I know that I am not out to be malicious. Yes, sometimes, living with my hurt makes me lash out to others, but I always try to rectify. You cannot always be perfect, but you can be perfectly honest and sincere in life.

Being malicious and masking it as ‘helping’ is unbelievable.

Some people are malicious and they expect others to pay for their pain. Usually, they are lonely in their own life, which is why your actions seem so pronounced to them, it challenges their idea of you.

Some people spend all of their time trying to force others to change because it does not allow them a single moment to look inwards, at all the things within themselves which need changing.

I have realized that individuals, who do not know what I am going through, will see me smiling, seemingly content with my life, and it angers them.

It is as though they expect me to live (forever) anchored to the mistakes of my past and me, embracing the moment, looks like I am diminishing my past mistakes. This is not the case, it is simply that I am not capable of living in the wrong, because that is not a life, it is a prison of your memories of your wrongs. You must have the power to move away from your mistakes, reflect, learn and try to grow from them; living with them daily will only limit your life’s potential.

Remember, that anyone who is hurting you, is hurting much more than you are.

They are hurting so much more because they are not even willing to focus on their own shit; all of their focus is external. All of their focus is on the other. All of their focus is on who to blame. All of their focus is on the yesterdays, the events which have come and gone and they are not willing to let go. They are not willing to let go because in those past wrongs, they were right and if they let go, they will no longer have that power of righteousness over you and they are not willing to let go of said control.

I am not looking to blame anyone; I know that I am part of the problem, period.

I know I am accountable. I know that I can apologize for my past wrongs, but much more than that, other than choosing to move forward, with my own life each day, is all I can do. I cannot take away their memories or pain, but I also cannot limit the rest of my own life, for fear of reaching happiness. Finding your own happiness and building a life, upon past mistakes, makes you strong, but it will not make you everyone’s favourite person.

A person, who you have wronged in the past, and is not willing to let go, wants you to live in the past. They want you to be small, meek and silent because they do not think you deserve to move on, but how is that fair? How is me, not moving forward, helping them or myself?

The best test of character is how one speaks about someone they dislike because how someone speaks of a person they do not like shows you a very clear picture of their true self.

I do not hate anyone, I do not hate an ex, former boss, or former friend. I do not hate anyone because I do not have the energy to dedicate to individuals who are not important to me.

I know that there are two sides to every story and no matter how righteous I may feel, it is simply that, my feelings.

I am not a judge or an unbiased third party in my life, so I know that what I do to others may never be perceived the way I intended and that’s okay; I am okay with only serving with suites me now.

I think people who intentionally try to hurt me, think that they are giving me what I deserve and that it will make we cower, but it won’t.

I do not think about people who are not my people at all. Sometimes this very fact can drive a person wild, the fact that their harm is so temporary in my life.

Your vulnerability might bring out some ugly truths, which have been living deep within you, but do not be afraid to be emotional. A strong person is not the always the stoic person, but the person brave enough to cry, scream and breakdown, to release a much needed break through.

Society has taught us that not being in control of your emotions, at all times, makes you weak or unhinged, but it is the opposite.

The ability, to freely express yourself, can release you from the confines of other’s judgement and force you into living the life, the life you are striving for.