A friend I care deeply about is in love with a predator. He stalks her and pounces, when he knows she is weak.
He lays down traps and waits for her to get caught up in them, only to come and save her, from his self made violence.
He makes her feel useless, ugly and disposable, which only draws her deeper into his web of lies, deceit and disrespect.
I am shackled at the sidelines. There is nothing I can do, but lend my ear and pray for her. I worry about her.
I often wonder, how did this smart, successful woman fall for this animal? I often wonder, why does this smart, successful woman continue to allow herself to be treated like this?
I sent her a text the other day, “You teach people how they can treat you.”
I do not know what I expected from sending these words of wisdom to her. My bleak hope was that they would slap her hard, upside the head, making her realize that the way she was acting was only hurting herself.
My wish upon a star is that those words would give her the strength to block him from her life.
The problem with the predatory man is that he can see the weak women in the pack. He can smell her feelings of insignificance and lures her out with his strength and indifference.
This friend of mine calls me every week crying.
Crying about something this man has done to her, taken from her or not provided her. I no longer tell her to leave him because I know that my words will not unwind the binds she has chosen to be in.
She finds comfort in the binds because in someway they make her feel a sense of belonging.
“At least someone cares about me. What little I get from him is better than nothing,” she always argues with me. When I question her and ask her to not focus on the meager meal he is providing, but rather the large quantities of her worth, which he is constantly taking, she shrugs my speak all away.
She says she expects nothing from him and what she gives, she gives by choice.
She does not see that she has lost herself within the weight of his world.
She has no identity. She sits by her phone, praying for a communication, a lifeline. She does not care if what she receives is good, bad, hurtful or ugly, just as long as she receives something.
She is at her worst, when he is silent. His absence makes her go awry.
I pray for her. I worry for her. I am angry for her and at her.
Women were not meant to provide a world of comfort for a man, but if we continue to allow it, they will take, until there is nothing left to be taken and leave.
I tell her that there are so many wonderful men out there, in the great vast world, but she does not believe me.
“Where?” she always challenges me, “I do not see them, I do not meet them. All a man has ever wanted from me is my money, body or energy.”
When are we going to decide that we are not disposable and not something to be consumed?
When will my friend learn? How can I better help her learn?
I am always told that everyone’s rock bottom is different and all you can is wait until they reach it and ask for help back into reality.
I am tired of waiting, but I also know that her life is not mine to live.
I also know that until she decides to leave she will not, but I know when their paths part it will be because of his doing, not hers.
Watching someone ruin their life, for someone who sees them of no value, is the most tragic thing I have ever experienced.
This woman is such a wonderful person and I love her greatly, so I hurt from watching her hurt.
The predatory man….he will make you think he is your whole world, until he has had his fill of you and then he will be gone. When he leaves, he will leave you empty and thinking that that the whole journey was your fault.