Reminder to Self: I’m (Not) Sorry that I’ve Changed

Why I am Done Apologizing for Striving to Be a Better Me

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Personal growth is a momentus thing. It can be so exhilarating to remove, reduce and refine negative aspects of yourself into a better, stronger, happier version of yourself, but you cannot do it in isolation.

It makes you feel vulnerable, because you are admitting to flaws within yourself, which you were no longer happy with, so you removed them or are working on doing so. It makes you feel exposed because you just know that the person you are telling must be trying to imagine how bad it was, to make you change and no one likes to share their darker sides.

It makes you feel like you are on stage, for the whole world to judge, scrutinize and pick at but those who judge are probably already judging, so let them continue being in that negative space.

They might feel this way because they are lamenting your new boundaries because they (might) inconvenience them. They also might feel this way because it (might) make them start reflecting on the things within themselves they wish to change, but they are just not ready to face said changes yet, so they would rather focus on judging you.

I have made positive strides in my life, but that does not mean I am without my failures, setbacks and missteps. I am working on minimizing these now because I have been ignoring my needs in sake of other people’s (apparent or real) wants of me.

My goal this year is to be firm(er) with boundaries, comfortable with saying ‘no’ (with no apology or explanation needed) and having clear expectations of those around me.

I (cannot wait until I) am no longer afraid to tell people, “I have changed, so that will no longer work for me.”

If they want to be a part of my life, they will accept it and if the change scares, overwhelms or disappoints them, well…our relationship was built on a false foundation.

I am working on taking care of me, my choices, words and actions. I cannot blame others for where my life is or what choices I make, and I need to ensure that I am putting myself first.

Wild nights, with copious cocktails and unpredictable environments are no longer important to me. What I value is meaningful conversations about positive things, over good food and comfortable spaces.

Gossiping about who broke up with who or who messed up what is no longer something I look forward to discussing. I want to discuss the life of the person I am sitting down with, not people who are insignificant to our growth and success.

I want to challenge myself each day to prioritize my mental and physical health to its utmost and not give a damn what people think.

I want to be comfortable walking away from conversations, which are not beneficial to me.

I want to be comfortable defining my boundaries and expectations of people who are a part of my life.

I am (working daily at) putting myself first because it makes me a better person to myself and those around me.

The moment I forget that, I let myself and those I care about down.

Written by

I write about issues that are near and dear to my heart, with the hope that my stories, experiences, and struggles may empower others: amanlitt.ca

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