Phoning in My Fetish

I Cannot Stand Outside of Phone Fascination, As Though it Does Not Apply to Me.

My phone was on the outs; I knew it and she knew it….her days were clearly limited.

My most convenient source of immediate gratification was beginning to become unpredictable, frustrating and unreliable.

The discomfort of not having a phone has been ‘nice,’ but not really.

I have had no one to waste time with, because she is no longer here.

A few times, during moments of bleak desperation, I kept trying to revive her lifeless body. Plugging her into her charger, again and again, even though I knew that, that blank screen would never light up again.

My attention span has clearly been whittled away over the decades.

Where is that writing warrior I use be? Did she die? Did I kill her?

Somewhere along the journey, I think I killed my discipline.

I have found the last couple of days extremely uncomfortable.

I have not been able to send random text messages, when I am bored or killing time.

This unexpected experiment has made me wonder….what would an entire day, with no phone, laptop or television look like?

I know that the only reason I have survived the past two days is because of my television and laptop…without them, I would have been hovering over the shoulders of strangers on the train, looking for a quick fix. A glimpse of a like, an ongoing text conversation or an automatic update that life still does exist.

As for the rest of today, I have no idea who has called, texted or ‘liked’ anything of mine.

Who the hell have I become?

I cannot sit in silence and just enjoy life?

If it is not liked, logged, tracked or published, is it worth my time?

I now know exactly who I have become and I am scared to admit it.

For the last two days, I have had to sit and reflect with my own thoughts.

Technology….is she our friend or foe?

I write about issues that are near and dear to my heart, with the hope that my stories, experiences, and struggles may empower others: amanlitt.ca

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