I Dumped My Friend Because She’s Vegan

I am not usually perturbed by other’s dietary choices or restrictions. I grew up with a parent who is a vegetarian and I am not opposed to meatless meals, allergies or lifestyle choices.

  • If you are vegan because it makes you feel good, that is great! I love that and I applaud you.
  • If you are a vegan because you are an animal lover, I love it and applaud you.
  • If you are a vegan, for whatever reason or no reason at all, I respect and cheer you on, because there are so many great benefits to leading such a health conscious lifestyle.

The one thing I wonder about, when my one irritating vegan friend use to come over, is how much of your lifestyle choice is my problem?

The vegan and I’s relationship became strained because she was so demanding, whiny and needy about being a vegan. I felt like she expected everyone to bend and remould to her new needs, and was shocked when we did not. The relationship had become so one-sided that it had lost all of its value for me.

She would constantly scold, beg and plead me to make her something, but with all the modifications, so that it fit to her vegan life, but no one enjoys being guilted or pressured into performing culinary tasks.

If you self-invite yourself over to my house for dinner and then moan and groan that there is only one vegan option, or that you cannot have dessert because there is dairy in the cake, how much of a shit am I supposed to give?

I find cooking vegan meals exhausting because I am not vegan, so I do not have ample supplies of nutritional yeast and other vegan substitutes in my house. Also, these products are not cheap to buy, and if I am only using them once or twice, it seems like a waste to me.

My (ex) friend, the vegan, expected me to dote on her, and it made her really unappealing to be around.

She would come over, always empty handed and then pick and point out everything she could not have because of her dietary choice. Rather than focusing on what vegan dish I had prepared, she focused all of her attention on what she was not able to eat.

Bring your own food sister, because this ain’t a restaurant is my motto now.

I have gone to friends and family’s houses, when I have been on a cleanse, detox or diet (something I use to do in my twenties, but do not believe in pursuing now), and I always brought my own food.

I brought my own food because I did not want to be an inconvenience to my loved ones, my dietary choice was unique and not common, so I prepared for that. Also, it is not the host’s problem that I am only eating a really specific type of food for a period of time. I was going over to connect with others, not to be provided a meal, free of my own energy and money.

If I had an allergy to something really common, like garlic, dairy or rice, I would not expect individuals to go out of there way for me, when I am going to their house for dinner.

Sure, it would be nice if there was one dish I could eat, but more than that? I would not be expecting that much accommodation from anybody, so why was this vegan in my life being so damn rude to me?

The most interesting part about my (ex) vegan friend is that she would sometimes choose to cheat.

I have seen her consume ice cream and products with dairy in it, when she felt like it, and it infuriated me because I did not understand why she could not bend said rules all the time to accommodate others.

  • Is it for attention?
  • Is it feel special?
  • Is she lonely?

My mom is vegetarian; she’s been one for over twenty years; she quit eating meat when I was quite young and never looked back.

She never occasionally has a piece of chicken or a shawarma wrap because it is a special holiday or there is nothing vegetarian to eat; she is a vegetarian, period.

She is not doing it for attention, nor does she care about the attention.

If there is nothing for her to eat, she whips up a salad and makes ‘oohing’ and ‘aahhing’ noises, like it’s the best thing in the world and I love her for it. She would go for dinner, back in the day, when being a vegetarian and eating out could be hard, and would eat garlic bread and salad and be as happy as a clam.

My (ex) vegan friend is selfish and this may be wrong to say, but I think being vegan allows her the ability not to be even more self absorbed.

When we used to go out for dinner, she would never let anyone sample her dish, demand that shared appies be vegan approved and always try to get out of paying the bill.

Once, I was treating her to a dinner out and she had the audacity to order a second dinner to go, because I was going to grab some ice cream after dinner and she explained that she would not be able to have any. I obliged and paid for her two entrees because she would not be having a dessert component. How this was my problem, I still do not understand, but let us proceed.

You can only imagine my surprise, when we walked to the ice cream shop and she suddenly decided that today was a good day for ice cream. She ordered her frozen, dairy delight, walked away and I stood there, slightly stunned (like after being slapped in the face), paid the bill for us and walked out.

She duped me; she was selfish and using her dietary restrictions to fit her needs to get others to pay for as much of her own shit as possible. Unbelievably rude if you ask me.

What I realized was that her choice to become vegan strained the slight fractures, which already existed in our relationship, until they broke. I did not leave her because of a lifestyle choice, I removed that friendship from my life because I realized how one-sided our relationship was. Her veganism simply highlighted her vices and created an environment I could not longer see the positive aspects of her.

I write about issues that are near and dear to my heart, with the hope that my stories, experiences, and struggles may empower others: amanlitt.ca

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