As you start spending more time working on yourself, versus external influences, does your time grow or strengthen?
What I mean to ask is does the time seemingly extend or increase in value?
I believe that the time increases in value.
The more I work on myself, the more I lean into the hard work, the daily yoga practice and mediation, the ritual of waking up early and journaling each morning, saying no, more and more to things or events which do not fit my long term needs and daily verbal positive affirmations, the more my mind strengthens.
With this renewed strength, I feel that my time has grown in value.
What would take me all day to finish is now taking me two to three hours of meaningful focused work. As I am learning to love myself more truly, I am forgiving myself for the things that just do not matter or meet my long term needs.
I am growing calmer, more patient and more understanding of the day to day drudgery, which makes people a lesser version of their true selves.
I am finding that by focusing on myself, I have more time for others and the time is more meaningful.
I always saw the value of self care, but true, daily, dedicated time is what has shown me how much it can do for me.
I never thought that I would be able to regain the control I had of time as a child. When I was little, a day use to feel like it dragged on indefinitely, but as an adult, I felt I could not squeeze enough into any of my days.
As I am becoming more focused on positive self talk and therapy, I am getting more accomplished and with greater ease.
I no longer stress about things, which are out of my control. If the train is running late, I cannot control that, but I can send a message notifying others that I will be late to my first meeting, and not ruminate on negative thoughts while in the act of lateness. Being late is not a crime, but we punish ourselves as though it is. I use to stay extra long at work, even if I was only a moment or two late for any meeting in my day, but now, I am seeing that life does not always follow our Google calendars and that’s okay.
I am focusing on clear, singular tasks as I go through my day.
I am not jumping at every plink from my phone, I am closing my office door to get project work completed and I am controlling the level of distractions in my life by limiting how available I am. By being clear with my boundaries and not being reactionary all the time, I am gaining a control of my day and the hours within said day in a way that I have not achieved ever before.
Through this process I have realized that a fundamental theme of my anxiety revolved around not meeting other people’s expectations.
These were not the clear expectations of relationships with others, but the silent, assumed assumptions of others that I was carrying on my back day in and out. I no longer react to assumed expectations others may have of me, and rather, channel said energy to believing that if there was an issue of importance, the other individual is responsible for airing their concerns with me.
I have also stopped competing with others.
I no longer care what the person to the left or the right of me is doing. I do not care, if someone ten years younger than me is more successful, than how successful I deem myself. It does not matter if the woman beside me always looks amazing and I can barely put together a wrinkle free outfit. It is insignificant what societal goals I have achieved or have chosen not to pursue. It is my life and on my deathbed I will have to answer my own wants, with the choices I made in life, to deem whether or not I feel that I lived a life of purpose.
Work on yourself and everything gets easier, but to attain said ease requires strenuous, daily commitment to working on yourself.