Are You Settling in Your Relationship?
The Fears of Stagnation, Submission and Settling….Our Lifelong Quest of Finding a Life Worth Living
A major fear in life is that we might, accidentally, short change ourselves. We are always searching for greener pastures, more money, a bigger house and (maybe) a better partner.
People are so scared of settling in their relationship and for good reason; forever is a long ass time to be with someone who you think is (just) okay.
Settling has so much more to do with the you than it does with your partner.
People who tend to leave, in search of greener pastures, should probably spend a bit of time on self-reflection.
I really do not think that the person you were with was the problem. Yes, they may have not been your ‘soulmate’ or ‘life partner’ or whatever term you use, but by calling them out as the problem, shows that you are the problem.
Do not dump that on someone else. They are just trying to live their life as best they can, just like you and I.
I find that when people leave a relationship, specifically in search of something better, they are trying to fill the growing hole a listless life creates.
Settling in a relationship is not an easy idea to digest, but before you call it quits, make sure your problem is directed at the right person.
I remember, when I was younger, I had a crush on a friend, but my friend told me that they were not interested in dating me because they were not willing to settle down yet.
He said that if we started dating, he knew we would end up getting married and he had not lived enough yet. I guess living equates physical relationships with a multitude of partners. I could not understand how someone could see how well we worked together, but reject it for fear of missing out.
Ten years after that terrible rejection, that very same person told me that they had been around the block and were now ready to settle down. He said he regretted his decision of rejecting me in the fury of his testosterone riddled youth, but he was wiser now and did not want to lose out on the opportunity again.
He laid all his cards down and said they all pointed to me; big, big revelation and such honesty should be applauded.
I did appreciate the honesty, but I did not want to be someone’s safe bet.
I think his proclamation of love was meant to be romantic, but it caused a riot within me. It ruined our friendship and the safe love story he had envisioned never came into fruition. I do not want to be your safe bet. I do not want to be a realistic choice, that’s gross.
Life cannot be about safe bets.
I do not want to be with someone who thinks there is no one better than me or that they cannot get someone better than me. I want to be with someone who meets me and is not willing to let me go, regardless of their options.
I want someone who is willing to risk not attaining something better because of the greatness of the imperfections of the person your soul desires.
Love is not an easy equation, and no way is the right way, but for me, the risk is the best part.
I put all my cards into love and love the risk of the unknown….my (current) relationship could be my lifelong story or it could be a chapter, and I will never know until the end of the journey and that is beautiful to me.
