An acquaintance met me for coffee the other day.
They were lamenting about how they never have anyone to spend time with and feel like their friends are avoiding them or growing distant.
I sat and listened to them talk about their struggle, for almost an hour and verbalized my sympathy for their current situation, but I could not help but wonder one thing:
Where was their responsibility in this situation?
This person, pointed the finger at everyone, their family, colleagues and long term friends as the problem, but never once considered that maybe they, themselves, were the source of their problem.
Consider my meeting with them; we met for a little over an hour and the whole time they spoke about their issues, life and events, but did not once give me the airtime to share my life with them. They simply seemed to want a sounding board for their own life and showed no keen interest in my side of the conversation.
I did not leave the conversation angry, but I could see why other people in their life have fallen away from them.
No one wants to be around a self-centered person. All of us, from time to time, have the drama drum up so loud that all we can think and speak about is some major issue in our life, but if this is your vantage point, all of the time, you are going to struggle socially.
When a friend seems distant or you are struggling to find a long term partner or any partner, how often do you think and reflect on how good of a person you are, in a reciprocal relationship?
All relationships should be reciprocal, and if you are only taking from the other person, you have morphed the relationship into a transaction, where you are only receiving and the other is responsible for providing.
I think that people who struggle with being alone or lonely all the time or often, do not fully understand the layers and intricacies of relationships and will continue to struggle until they do so.
Relationships take work and cannot be one-sided for very long, before someone realizes that it is simply not worth their time or energy.
Be a good friend, be the friend or person you want others to be to you and your relationships will flourish. If you are constantly spending all of your time expecting of others and being disappointed, when they inevitably let you down, you will be a very lonely person.